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Funny Thanksgiving Jokes And Riddles 2018 For Canada USA

In this blog post, you will be able to get Happy Thanksgiving Joke 2018 along with Funny Thanksgiving Jokes And Riddles 2018  and make your Thanksgiving Day 2018 memorable. Canadian people will enjoy this event in October 2018 while American/USA people will enjoy this event in the month of November 2018. We are giving you a wonderful opportunity to make your Thanksgiving memorable through these Thanksgiving Jokes and Riddles and share these Happy Thanksgiving Jokes with your family and friends.

 

Funny Thanksgiving Jokes And Riddles 2018 For Canada USA:

How does a Turkey drink her wine? In a gobble-let

What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving? He was very thinkful.

How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey? One, but you really have to squeeze him in!

Why can’t you take a turkey to church? Because they use such FOWL language.

Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner? He was exceeding the feed limit!

What did the monster say to the Thanksgiving turkey? “Pleased to eat you!

What did the little turkey say to the big turkey? “Peck” on someone your own size!

What do you get after eating way too much turkey and dressing? Dessert, of course!

Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey, he’s already been stuffed!

Funny Thanksgiving Jokes

Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks.

Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play!

Thanksgiving Jokes And Riddles 2018:

Q: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
A: Because he was out standing in his field!

Q: What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
A: Straw-berries!

Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!

Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose!

Q: What always comes at the beginning of parades?
A: The letter “p”!

Q: What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A: A har-vest!

Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
A: Their age!

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi!

Q: What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
A: The letter “g”!

Q: What key won’t open any door?
A: A turkey!

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off!

Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: It was stuck on the turkey’s foot!

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
A: To prove he wasn’t chicken!

Q: What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on top of a barn?
A: An eggroll!

Q: Where do you find a turkey with no legs?
A: Exactly where you left it!

Q: What do you call it when it rains turkeys?
A: Foul weather!

Q: Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
A: To hatchet!

Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play!

Q: Which side of a turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside!

Q: Why do turkeys lay eggs?
A: If they dropped them, they’d break!

Q: What’s the most musical part of a turkey?
A: The drumstick!

Q: If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from?
A: A poul-tree!

Q: Daughter: Mum, can I have a canary for Christmas?
A: Mum: NO! You’ll have turkey like everyone else.

Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!

Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The turkey!

Funny Thanksgiving Riddles

Short Jokes About Thanksgiving 2018:

Alex: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?
Adam: Why?
Alex: He sensed fowl play.

Robert: Which bird is best at bowling?
Chrystal: I don’t know.
Robert: A turkey.

Leighton: What sound does a limping turkey make?
Zach: I give up!
Leighton: “Wobble, wobble!”

Chas: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to at the first Thanksgiving feast?
Tom: What kind?
Chas: Plymouth Rock!

Sister: Mom wants your to help us fix Thanksgiving Day dinner.
Brother: Why? Is it broken?

Pat: What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
Jerry: I don’t know. What?
Pat: A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.

Justin: Which November holiday is Dracula’s favorite?
Jay: Which one?
Justin: Fangs-giving!

Short Funny Thanksgiving jokes

Tom Swiftie: “May I say the prayer before Thanksgiving dinner?” Tom asked gracefully.

Josh: Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field on Thanksgiving Day?
Phil: Why?
Josh: He wanted to raise mashed potatoes.

Biff: Why did the turkey cross the road?
Bob: I don’t know.
Biff: It was Thanksgiving Day, and he wanted people to think he was a chicken!

Charles: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Mary: I haven’t a clue.
Charles: Peach gobbler!

Billy: Why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down?
Joe: Beats me.
Billy: Because they wear their belt buckles on their hats!

Luke: What did the turkey say to the computer?
Will: What?
Luke: “Google, google, google.”

Josh: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
David: Tell me.
Josh: Drumsticks for everyone on Thanksgiving Day!

Pedro: What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
Ordep: What?
Pedro: “Quack! Quack!”

Caleb: What key has legs and can’t open doors?
Caitlyn: What?
Caleb: A turkey.

Alex: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?
Adam: Why?
Alex: He sensed fowl play.

Robert: Which bird is best at bowling?
Chrystal: I don’t know.
Robert: A turkey.

Leighton: What sound does a limping turkey make?
Zach: I give up!
Leighton: “Wobble, wobble!”

Chas: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to at the first Thanksgiving feast?
Tom: What kind?
Chas: Plymouth Rock!

Sister: Mom wants your to help us fix Thanksgiving Day dinner.
Brother: Why? Is it broken?

Turkey Thanksgiving jokes

Thanksgiving Jokes Stories 2018 For Canada and USA:

“Well, dear what’s it to be tonight?” said the amorous hubby. “Hmmm … I’m in the mood for something special tonight, how about turkey style?” replied his mate. “Turkey style? I’ve heard of ‘doggy style,’ but what in the world is turkey style?” To which the wife replied, “Gobble, gobble, gobble!”

He laid her on the table.
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat.
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast.
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide…
He looked inside.
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms…

And then he stuffed the turkey.

Also Like To Read More:

Things to Do to Liven Up Thanksgiving Dinner
1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table. Announce that it’s the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.

2. When everyone goes around to say what they are Thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught” and refuse to say anything more.

3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad’s not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.

4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, “See mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice that the Turkey was past expiration date. You were worried for nothing.”

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.

Then the woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with “Merry Christmas” up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.

As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, “If you don’ t mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?”

The woman answered, “I’m sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there’s nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

Things That Sound Dirty on Thanksgiving Day
But Aren’t

“Talk about a huge breast!”

“Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.”

“It’s Cool Whip time!”

“Whew, that’s one terrific spread!”

“I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.”

“Are you ready for seconds yet?”

“It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?”

“Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!”

“Don’t play with your meat.”

“Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?”

“I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”

“You still have a little bit on your chin.”

“Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.”

“How long will it take after you stick it in?”

“You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.”

“Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!”

“How many are coming?”

“That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!”

“Just lay back and take it easy … I’ll do the rest.”

“How long do I beat it before it’s ready?”

It was a few days before Thanksgiving. The trip went reasonably well, and Clarence Johnson was ready to travel. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared irritating elevator renditions of well known Christmas carols.

Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, Clarence was not in a particularly good mood. Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw some mistletoe hanging. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap imitation with red paint on the rounder parts and green paint on the flatter and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.

With a considerable degree of annoyance and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, “Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a gross mockery of mistletoe.”

“Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is hanging,” mentioned the attendant.

“Ok, I see that it’s above the luggage scale, which is the place you’d have to step forward for a kiss,” responded the traveler.

The attendant answered, “That’s not why it’s there.”

“Ok, I give up,” muttered the annoyed man. “Then, why is it there?”

To which the attendant replied, “It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”

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